The other day my 3 years old was window talking, yeah that’s the new normal, with pigeons. He was muttering, “How are you? Go home it’s going to rain.” The heart of a mother swelled and I jumped into the conversation with him asking “How are you?”. I was promptly replied, “I am fine, Maa”. Thunders stuck in two worlds, the physical one even got droplets of rain. The other world pulled me to an abyss, what a 3 year old meant by saying I am fine. Apparently, he observed an adult’s interaction as to how we respond “I am fine” every time anyone asks that. “Fine” mostly is synonymous with happiness. But are we really happy or disguising our emotions under the blanket of fine? What makes us happy? Are there some myths around happiness? Let’s debunk myths of happiness that actually makes us miserable.
“I am fine”. Pause for a moment and ponder over it.
It’s an outmoded belief that getting what we want would make one happy. This knowledge is earned by experience rather than what most of us are taught upon. Over the years the definition of happiness changes. A toddler is happy with bubbles to blow. But making a growing teen or adult happy might be tricky.
What is happiness?
This question must have tormented humans for centuries. There are plenty of philosophers who searched, explored, and even interpreted the meaning of happiness. Be it Socrates and Plato who hold unique positions in the world of happiness philosophy or Sant Kabir with his layered pearls of wisdom wrapped in Doha.
According to Bhagwat Gita,
A person who isn’t disturbed by the incessant flow of desires — that enter like rivers into the ocean which is ever being filled but is always still — can alone achieve peace and not the person who strives to satisfy such desires.
Bhagavad Gita 2:70
This might sound cryptic and uncomprehensive for us mere mortals.
But even science finds it hard to give us a fixed routine definition. Maybe in the simplest possible terms, happiness is a state of wellbeing, a set of (positive and negative) emotions ranging from serenity to joy.
If someone asks you, “Are you happy?” what would you say?
You might like to try out ‘Are you happy?’ quiz. when you want to have an emotional check-up.
Why is it so hard to be happy?
Do you feel happy when you have a Friday party with friends? Do you feel happy when you meet your family after living days in an unknown city? Did you felt the strong wind of emotions when you realized your partner/ spouse reciprocate your love? Or you were happy when you grabbed that dress you were eyeing upon on a huge discount sale? Maybe a weekend getaway far from child’s diapers and boss untimed calls made you happy?
How long did that happiness lasted?
Regrettably, most of us don’t understand happiness. Probably because we are raised in a conditioned environment, of deep-rooted culture and media product, surrounded by myths. We believe life is supposed to make us feel good, feel enriched. And that believe make us walk backward, away from our “happiness”. Making us miserable in the end. While the strong intention of the environment was to keep us away from misery. We are taught to avoid pain, as negative events trigger negative emotions, that make us feel bad. We always stick to the happily ever after. Largely we never think to step up to the stage and peep behind the curtains.
Debunking myths of happiness that actually makes us miserable
Happiness is often considered as the end-result of sentiments that are interlinked with external factors. Even society, our culture insists that humans ought to be happy all the time. And if you are not happy or are suffering mentally, there is something wrong with you. Words like ‘mental’, ‘psycho’ are thrown carelessly. Do you remember grooving to the tunes of Psycho Saiyan?
Just like answering on automation “I am fine” every time one asks us “How are you?”; we are trained to trust that certain things can bring us happiness. A picture-perfect story, myths of happiness, is painted and we believe that’s how life should be.
Myth 1 – Once we are rich, we are happy.
A common misconception we nurture that once we are rich, we would be happy. Had it been true Qatari people should be the happiest one on Earth, Qatar is the richest country in the world. As of the World Happiness Index, the oil-rich Gulf state ranks 29th.
Surely getting a brand new trending mobile phone, a shiny car, a luxury house does bring us happiness. Short-term happiness. It wears off fast when we face the next adversity.
People living in poverty might feel this logic as a scam, they face hardship for one square meal, a roof above. Of course, they would not agree until the basic requirements of human are met. But beyond that money would bring very little long-term satisfaction.
It’s an endless cycle, one of the myths of happiness. Once we gain power and money, our purchases no longer excite us. We would shop for better products every time, to meet our expectations and even to please others. The ‘pleasing others’ zeal slowly overtakes the little joy left leaving us dejected.
Myth 2 – A good job can make us happy.
When we spend a major chunk of the day at work, we are bound to consider that that it would bring us happiness.
How many of us plan to quit a job for better prospects? The better prospect might vary from person to person, for some, it might be a monetary benefit, or other it might be recognized at the organization, or a few others might strive for a work-life balance.
In a study, it was found that blue-collar people have lower level of overall happiness as compared to grey and white-collar counterparts.
Even this becomes a never-ending rotation. Recognition and admiration do give us little delight. But we again tumble in the trap of evaluating through other’s eyes.
For some people, immense job satisfaction might lead to happiness, but job satisfaction is itself bottomless. Very few strike a balance a stay happy for a long period.
Myth 3 – We would be happy once in love
We all grew up watching many romantic dramas where after a series of tragedy the man and woman fight for their love and then live happily ever after. How many of us ever thought about what happened next? Was that the last tragedy of their life and nothing shook their life after that? Maybe, maybe not.
Love is a strong force of attraction for a person along with a sense of protectiveness, care, warmth, and respect.
Contrary to popular media overloaded believe, we love many people at the same time with varying intensity. We love our parents, family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, pets, and more. The emotion of love is complex.
If you strongly believe that marrying your beloved would make you happy? You are not wrong; you would be happy for a few years. That’s the honeymoon period when you and your partner try to fit in, create a pattern, have some said-unsaid rule to live.
In a long claimed-successful marriage, the initial intensity of attraction slides down to monotony, but the other factors as care, respect rise up. Like Mignon McLaughlin once said, “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”. Smartly hinting you would fall out before falling again, probably in a companion relationship. That’s healthy.
But this never means that single, separated, or divorced people are unhappy. Of course, there is another stigma attached. But they can be happy. Happiness has many other factors, let’s get there later.
Long story short, we are responsible for our own happiness. No romance can give us happiness forever. High chances, maybe there is a Simran who left the train and is happy somewhere without Raj.
Myth 4 – Marriage makes you happier and healthier
Often getting married is a checklist that we have to tick off like milestones. Marriage can make people happy some of the time, but not all of the people, all the time.
Excuse me for asking if this myth was propagated by some self glorified men and/or meddling aunts? Like Behaviour Scientist Paul Dolan says, “If you’re a man, you should probably get married. If you’re a woman, don’t bother.”
Again, of course, this doesn’t mean men are always happily married. But studies about men stuck in unhappy unhealthy marriages are less. Probably Luv Ranjan can bring out the stories, fingers crossed to have a sensible story, and not a sequel of his previous ‘biased’ projects.
Myth 5 – Children would make you happy all the time
A bumped interrogation that constantly follows newly married couples like a shadow is “When are you sharing the good news?” K.I.D.S.
Once married people are expected to produce offspring. If the couple chooses to be childfree, they are haunted by unreasonable worries of families, friends, strangers. The ones with medical issues often crumble to societal pressure.
Needless to say, many people love to have children and raise them. But often it is expected that children would make you happy. Not just some of the time, but all the time.
Certainly, children do give us joyful moments, they can also make life purposeful to an extent, but they also bring stress, anxiety, and apprehension.
In reality, it takes weeks, months and at times years for parents to settle down in life. PPD (Post-Partum Depression) is real for both mother and father. The financial cost of raising a child is another concern for many parents.
These myths of happiness make us believe that every human needs to lead the same life with the same sense of purpose, same end goals, same aspirations. A one size fits all never works in pursuit of happiness. We compare ourselves with others, we end up judging others. We hurt ourselves and others, this pulls us far away from intended happiness.
Now that we have debunked myths of happiness, can we talk about the relationship between inner peace and happiness?
“The pursuit of inner peace is more important than the search for happiness or success.”
– Chris Shea
Happiness is complex. It is subjective, is associated with concepts of life satisfaction and subjective wellbeing.
This post is written for Speakeasy Blogging Challenge 2020 by Ruchie & Dipika.
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We say we are fine out of a habit without even realising the true emotions. I am glad you talked about these myths, all our lives are spent around them. Job and money can give temporary pleasure, but if you don’t like what you are doing you can’t truly be happy.
We miss naming our emotions with words ingrained in us. Thanks for sharing your take, Disha.
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Thanks for detailing out the myths about Happiness indeed people run after wrong things for findiing happiness.
Pleasure. Thanks for reading, Judy.
Such an intelligent post in happiness and I can so relate to the myths you have debunked here. So enjoyed the read.
You are always kind, Roma. Thank you.
It’s very natural for us to seek happiness from external sources but the real essence of happiness lies within one self. And my son too tells me “mom I am fine” and he is always so worried about me n my health always checking and asking “Mumma are you ok”
Aren’t our kids much better human than grown-ups? Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Hansa.
I absolutely loved what you wrote, the last quote was one of my favorite parts of this blog. You picked up quite an interesting thought on the topic of happiness and did justice to it.
Thanks for your kind words, Kavita.
As a human we look for something to hope for and move ahead so we created these myths of happiness shared by you, however till the time we are really happy inside our pursuit will never end and we will just keep searching for happiness.
Absolutely, our thoughts are in sync. Thanks for reading, Manisha.
So agree on this Pragnya, happiness can not materialize, it is actually a peaceful state of mind which auto enforce the everlasting flow of happiness. nonetheless money, job, marriage, love, kids surely the major aspects of our happiness though it can not last long if we are not contented with what we have. Well picked pointers about myths of happiness.
Glad our thoughts echo. Thank you for stopping by.
That’s an interesting take on the prompt, Pragnya. Love the way you have talked about happiness myths which are so deep-rooted in our society as well as in our minds that we tend to depend on milestones for our happiness. I am happy that you focussed on these points.
Thanks for sharing your insights Neha. Keep visiting.
There’s so much to learn from kids. At times they say something that’s so deep and profound. True happiness never resides on the parameters that the society has set. Good one, Pragnya.
Thank you Debi. I have started accepting little one as a guru in life.
I really agree with many pointers!! getting your dream job but not getting satisfied in that always bring sadness..loved the post
Thank you Ruchi!
Very well written post. I cannot agree more. People are running on an endless, meaningless road not realising what they are searching outside is within themselves.
Thanks for visiting, Swati.
I really love your approach! One which I got connected the most was kids.. Once you have kids things would settle down! Family and society, says the same!!
Really a good article. Loved reading it.
Thank you for your kind words, Sadvika.
Well, it is a simple thing to understand that happiness can’t be found but to be discovered within. No moment in life will make us happy unless we accept our circumstances and live peacefully.
A simple thing that we take years or lifetime to understand. Thank you for visiting.
I loved your post, so true. No external factors can make us happy. Unless we are in acceptance of ourselves and peaceful inside.
Thanks for stopping by, Ujjwal.
I was nodding all along. I can’t agree more. You have very well communicated the essence of happiness. I also took the quiz & it says I am a happy person.
Wow Aesha, stay happy and peaceful. I could guess it after reading your latest post. Thanks for stopping by.
Love the way you explain all myth.
Thank you Neeta.
this is so true we keep on chasing things to be happy while happiness is all around.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts,Richa.
Materialistic things can never give us the happiness. It will be temporary just like the pleasure we get from a new object. Inner happiness is the main and that can be experienced when we stop associating it with outer sources
Inner happiness holds the key to the search for happiness. Thanks for reading, Alpana.
This is one of my favorites from this challenge! It sounds like preaching but these are things that are absolutely true. Money, job, clothes, etc etc are just next steps. I agree, they do make us comfortable and happy, but only until we hop on to the next thing that will make us happy. wonderful read
Thank you for the honest words, Prisha. We shall work on it.
Brilliant take on the prompt. I resonate with your thoughts….many times people wait for a milestone to be happy, they set standards and limits for happiness. I sometimes wonder why people cannot just be happy for the sake of it? Thank you for sharing the quiz – it was very useful. Keep writing and spreading positivity through your work.
The conditioned environment of effort and result runs too deep for most in this society. Happy to know you found the quiz helpful. And thank you for your kind words, Mayura.
Loved reading the article, Pragnya:)
It’s true that we connect the word ‘happiness’ to the many things but in reality, we can’t really define happiness.
Thank you, Aditi, good to see our voice echo.
I think these are the most pertinent problems in the way of happiness. As the responsibilities increase, there also is a lot more that come along. A lot of happiness but also a huge pile of work. So unless we learn to look through all that, we’d always feel under appreciated and under valued. I really liked your post, very postive and to the point
Your kind words are music to my ears. Thank you.
I think these are the most pertinent problems in teh way of happiness. I really liked this post.
Thank you, Mandavi.
The myths mentioned here are all short lived happiness moments but the real happiness is surely one has to look within and find the purpose that makes us happy in life.
The intent of highlighting myths was the words you shared MeenalSonal.
Such a Spiritual take on theme and I loved the way you had debunked all myths associated with happiness. Most of people interniked their achievement and materialistic pleasure with happiness but as you said it is a never ending race and we want next when get one. Indeed real happiness is much more than this and everyone need to understand that truth in their own way.
We humans assume that we would find the ultimate happiness after achieving X in life. Contrary to that we walk in cycles. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Surbhi.
Hugs for my dearest Penguin. Lots of love for him. Today an answer of him lead you to write about such an enlightening post about Happiness. Your post is a well researched, insightful post and asks some important question to one about his own happiness factors. Thoroughly enjoyed reading it Pragnya.
Kids are big teachers whom we often underestimate. Thank you for reading Swarnali. Glad you enjoyed it as well.