Dear Penguin,
You were four when you first asked, “Why is the woman riding the scooter and the man sitting behind her?” I smiled at the innocence of the question, but it lingered with me. That was probably our first visible encounter with bias, not yours, but a reflection of what the world had already begun whispering into your curious little ears.
Bias isn’t always taught. Sometimes it’s absorbed quietly from cartoons, ads, street conversations, overheard adult chatter, or just who gets praised and who gets ignored.
It’s not always loud or hateful. Sometimes, it’s in what’s not said. In who gets to lead the game. In which toys show up on shelves for girls and which ones are “meant for boys.”
In who’s expected to serve food at a family gathering and who gets to sit back and be served.
Now that you’re nearly a tween, the world is growing louder. Your classroom debates, the pop culture you’re absorbing, the videos you watch, the jokes friends crack. And with it, the biases are also more layered. About gender, skin colour, body shape, caste, language, religion, neurodiversity, family structures, money and so much more.
It’s no longer just “pink is for girls and blue is for boys.” It’s “who deserves what,” “who is good enough,” “who gets to belong.”
And that’s why I’m writing this one, dear Penguin, it’s about unlearning.
Yes, unlearning.
Because while schools focus on learning new information, equations, grammar rules, geography… what no one tells us is that the real work of growing up is about unlearning.
Unlearning what limits us. What distorts reality. What excludes others. What makes us small-minded.
We all carry biases. Even me, your Maa and Bapa.
Even the most “woke” adults have blind spots. Moments where we slip, where we speak without knowing, where we unintentionally pass down baggage we inherited without questioning. I’ve had to catch myself so many times… when I’ve assumed, judged, or stayed silent when I should’ve said something. And you’ve corrected me too. Thank you for that.
This is what I hope for you as you grow up.
1. Unlearn Gender Stereotypes
Not everything has to be “for boys” or “for girls.” You can love skincare and sports. You can cry at movies and be strong. You can wear pink, write poetry, become an engineer, bake cakes, or ride a bike fast. None of it changes who you are. Gender is not a box to squeeze into. It’s a spectrum to explore with respect.
2. Unlearn Privilege Blindness
If something feels easy to you, ask why. Is it because someone else had to work harder for the same opportunity? Is your voice louder because someone else was never handed the mic? Use your advantages, whether they’re access, education, caste, language, or comfort, not to gatekeep, but to open doors for others.
3. Unlearn “Us vs. Them” Thinking
It’s tempting to put people into neat categories – good/bad, right/wrong, my group/the other. But life is messy, and people are layered. When someone believes something different than you, try to understand why. Don’t cancel. Don’t conform. Stay curious. The ability to hold space for complexity is one of the most underrated superpowers in today’s world.
4. Unlearn Shame Around Asking Questions
Some adults will act like they have all the answers. Spoiler alert: they don’t. Ask your questions. Even the uncomfortable ones. Especially the uncomfortable ones. When you ask with sincerity, you’re giving others a chance to reflect too.
You are growing up in a generation that is more aware than any before. You’re surrounded by conversations about identity, politics, inclusion, representation, and equality. That’s amazing. But it can also be overwhelming.
There’s a pressure to “be right,” to “stay updated,” to speak up always. You don’t have to know everything. You just have to keep learning, unlearning, and choosing kindness not the silent kind, but the brave, informed kind.
I’ve failed at this many times, kiddo. I’ve reacted instead of listening. I’ve judged without learning. I’ve said things passed down by habit, not by intent.
But I’m trying. And I want you to see that in me. Not perfection, but progress. That’s what I want you to aim for too.
And if you ever feel lost, unsure of what to believe or how to behave… come back to this question
“Is what I believe making the world kinder, more fair, and more humane?”
If the answer is yes, carry it forward.
If it’s no, question it. Let it go. Replace it with something better.
We are not building a perfect child, Penguin.
We are raising a thoughtful, empathetic, growing human. That’s the only kind that the world needs more of.
With all my unlearning and love,
Maa
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