A – Almost a Teen. Yet Tween

My not-so-little Penguin,

It feels like just yesterday when we spent our days together, homeschooling, playing, and talking about everything under the sun. Then, school started, and I went back to work. Life moved forward faster than I expected, and before I knew it, you weren’t my little boy anymore. I don’t remember the exact day it happened, but I do remember the feeling…

One moment, you were my free-spirited little boy, lost in your universe, dancing freely, sharing with me everything that was on your mind. And then, overnight, something changed.

You began to notice, not only what you were thinking but what others would think about you. You became more conscious, more mindful of the world outside our small bubble.

I noticed it in the way you’d pause before blurting something ridiculous out, in the way you began selecting your words more cautiously among friends, and in the still times when you’d look like you were off in thought.

You were trying to be funny. You were looking for recognition beyond home.

All of a sudden, fitting in was important. What your friends believed about you was important.

You began making your own conclusions. Sometimes per me, sometimes contrary to me, and sometimes opting not to share things with me altogether.

I won’t lie, it was difficult to watch.

We both had meltdowns.

You, frustrated that I didn’t understand why something was so important to you. I, struggling to keep up with the new version of you that I hadn’t fully figured out yet. Like the time you stormed off because I asked too many questions about your new friends. Or when I got upset because you didn’t want to share your school stories with me anymore.

Not because I didn’t want you to become an adult, but because I could see the burden of this new understanding settling on your shoulders. You were starting to realize that the world wasn’t as black and white as it had been.

That people had other opinions. That friendships were complicated. That belonging wasn’t always straightforward.

This change elicited a new type of independence in you. One that both pleased me and pained me a little too. You no longer came running to me first with every small issue.

You began solving things on your own. And though I longed to cling tight, I knew I had to begin letting go, little by little.

If you’re reading these years later, I hope you know that this stage wasn’t difficult for you alone. I was also on a learning curve.

I messed up. Some days, I hovered too much and didn’t let you fall. Other days, perhaps I stepped back when you needed me to cling on.

But throughout, I want you to remember this, “I have always been on your side. Whether you needed space or support, I have always been rooting for you, even in the times when you drew back.”

It’s been bittersweet watching you enter this “almost-a-teen” age, but mainly it has been amazing.

No matter how much you grow, no matter how far you go, you’ll always be my little penguin—dancing freely, dreaming wildly, curious about everything, and sharing your world with me in your own way.

Love,

Maa

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