C- Chaos and Choices in Parenting

My Free-Spirited Penguin,

You may not remember, but your grandparents used to say, “Your Bapa and Maa were so independent at your age. And look at you—still so dependent on Maa!” They said it with affection, but it always made me stop and think. Was I being too permissive? Too overprotective?

I never made hard and fast rules, “no sleepovers,” or “no fix-meals,” because I wasn’t working on a project; I was working with you, a complete person. But I did establish curfew hours, because I wanted you to have your meals on time, sleep on time, and know how to use discipline. Gadget-free dinner was non-negotiable (much as life tended to ruin that plan). And that “10 more minutes, Maa!” war? It exhausted me more than I can enumerate.

There were days when I stood firm.

There were days when I doubted myself—was I being too hard on you?

Too easy on you? Would I be sorry for this later?

But if I relaxed, would I create a pattern of failure for you to follow in the future?

And there were days when I was the one who failed you.

Do you remember that I was drowning in a huge project, out all day, and you were staying over with your grandparents? I returned late, and rather than sitting with you, inquiring about your day, I asked you about it. You weren’t in bed early, and I lost my cool. I shouted when I needed to listen. I repelled you when all you needed was a moment with me.

I was too tough on you that day.

But the remorse of that evening lingered with me, and the following week, I swore: No calls at midnight. No appointments. No work when we were together until you were deeply asleep.

That evening, I underscored something. Like you, I was also learning.

Parenting wasn’t about doing everything right, but knowing when I was doing it wrong and doing better.

And that leads me to another lesson. Your choice.

I was always an introvert, someone who forged close relationships with only a handful of people. But you? You were the social butterfly. The society playground had different groups playing at different hours—some at 5-6 PM, some at 7-8 PM, and you? You played with all of them from 5-9 PM! You were so tired, you were sweating, and yet you wanted to play one last round. I had to pull you home.

It was both intriguing and concerning. You enjoyed anything and everything under the sun—skating, football, painting, music. While I loved that about you, I also wanted you to learn time management, concentration, and commitment, because I knew that’s what would make you stand out in the future.

That’s why I allowed you to face failures—like when you botched your Odia exam or didn’t plan your summer vacation with friends.

It pained me to watch you fight, but if I continued to protect you, you would never develop your wings.

This fight, between freedom and constraint, between allowing you to fall and catching you, brought to mind Maa Parvati and her sons, Kartikeya and Ganesha.

Parvati was a mother who knew that love is not only protection; it’s teaching your child how to survive in the world. Kartikeya, her warrior son, was sent off to learn and fight wars, while Ganesha, wise and gentle, remained near, learning by doing. Both took different roads, but Parvati allowed them to discover their strengths, believing that she had taught them enough.

And that’s what I’m trying to do for you, my love.

You might not always agree with my choices. You might think I was unfair, too strict, too controlling. But I hope one day, when you have a child of your own, you’ll understand. That as much as I wanted to shield you, I also wanted to raise you to be strong, kind, and wise.

That I was never against you. I was always rooting for you.

Love,
Maa

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