Dear Opinionated Penguin,
As you continue to grow, I often remember the resistance and rebellious moments you have gone through. There were times when I failed as a parent, and the moments when we did splendidly together. These experiences, though challenging at times, have been an essential part of both your growth and mine.
Rebellion, resistance, they’re not just words. They’re part of the process, a way of you beginning to assert your identity, to carve out your place in this big world, and to express your independence. I want to take a moment to share the ups and downs, the conflicts, and the resolutions that have come with it.
You’ve always had a strong sense of what you want, and, at times, you’ve pushed back against things you don’t agree with. And let’s be honest, some of those moments have been loud.
I remember the days when we’d have full-on scream matches over simple things, like whether it was time to get off the tablet or whether you could skip yet another chore. You’d argue, I’d get frustrated, and we’d both end up feeling like we weren’t really listening to each other.
Sometimes, I failed to realize that these weren’t just defiant outbursts, they were you testing your boundaries, trying to figure out what you could control, what you could challenge.
There were times when I thought I had it all figured out, times when I was convinced that a firm word, a stern face, or a “because I said so” would work. And, more often than not, it didn’t. We’d end up in a stand-off, both of us with our arms crossed and the tension in the air thick. And, honestly, I failed a lot in those moments.
It’s easy for me to slip into the role of the parent who wants to maintain control, who feels like their authority is being undermined. But now, looking back, I see that those moments were important for you to understand your voice and for me to understand that sometimes, the best thing I could do was listen and not just lecture.
Listening ears make a wise heart.
Then there were times when we got it right. When I was able to step back, breathe, and give you the space to express your frustrations. I remember one particular time when you really wanted a new gear, and after many discussions, we were able to sit down and talk through why you wanted it so badly, what it meant to you, and what you were willing to sacrifice (or work for) in order to get it. We compromised, and you ended up saving up for it on your own, I often feel it was a perfect example of how we were able to find common ground.
But what stood out in those times was not just the negotiation itself, but the conversations we had about it. We’ve spoken about things like values, priorities, and decisions. I’ve tried to instill in you the importance of sticking with something — whether it’s a task, a hobby, or a goal.
We’ve worked through the frustration of wanting to quit something, like when you were unsure about sticking with skating after you’d fallen too many times, or when you felt like Taekwondo wasn’t your thing anymore.
Your resistance to those activities wasn’t just about not liking them. It was about feeling overwhelmed, scared, or not having enough confidence to push through.
I’ve learned that quitting too soon is a pattern we both need to be mindful of. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught myself pushing you too hard to continue with something when I should have paused and asked if it was really what you wanted, or if there was a way to make it work for both of us. I’ve also failed in moments when I didn’t listen to the signals… when you showed that you were genuinely interested in something new, but I kept dragging you back to what we started. Like when you decided you wanted to try art instead of skating. It felt like a big change, but looking back, it was just your way of evolving, and I didn’t always embrace that enough.
One thing I’ve always appreciated, though, is your ability to negotiate. Sometimes, this comes in the form of using charm, other times it’s with sheer persistence.
There have been moments when you’ve used that magic combination to convince your cousins to let you play first, or when you’ve managed to work out a deal for more screen time. It’s easy to see these as little “wins,” but I realize now that they’re part of the larger skill of negotiating in life finding balance, understanding others, and coming up with solutions that work for everyone.
I think what I’ve learned from these ups and downs is that rebellion and resistance aren’t always bad things. They’re your way of figuring out who you are, what you want, and where you stand. But as your parent, it’s my job to help you channel that resistance in ways that build your resilience, not just in the moment, but for the future.
It’s okay to resist sometimes. It’s okay to challenge things. But it’s also okay to accept that some things…like responsibility, commitments, and sticking with your word are important, even when they feel like a drag.
Thank you for teaching me about resilience and adaptability. You’ve shown me that growth doesn’t come without some bumps along the way.
I’m learning, too, and together we’ll continue to navigate this exciting and messy process of growing up.
I love you always,
Maa
P.S. I’m grateful that I haven’t seen experiments with your outfits and hair. But walls do have a say now.
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