Penguin my son is 2 years old. He loves raiding the kitchen, banging vessels, pretend cooking all day, jump on puddles, and dance. Few well-meaning neighbors of mine are really worried about how he loves to help me around the house, put on a bindi (sticker), wear pink and carry his dolls around. Politely (no sarcasm intended), I am often advised how my boy acts more like a girl than a boy. Especially as this boy play with a doll. And every time, I try to say HE is FINE. No worries.
While, we all are screaming gender equality and rise in feminism, talk about breaking that glass ceiling and all. Most of us, tend to focus more on raising brave girls. And I really appreciate that thought. My parents raised me brave, I fight my own battles. Meanwhile, we don’t realize how our boy’s softer side given a total miss by parents. Just like Bollywood and romantic genre books, the good girl falls for brooding men. Men are praised for their macho manly side; how strong they are. Honestly, even I was crushing over that tall-dark-handsome angry-young-man all my teen days. Once after marriage or getting in a relationship, the same brooding man who was charming becomes dull. As a partner, we complain about how he never communicates, never helps in the household, or fails to provide emotional comfort. We blame each other, as we get burnt out regularly. Fact, brooding never helps you or anyone.
I am raising a boy on this side of the world where a 2-year-old is judged for playing a doll. Here, let me try to address the benefits of playing with doll irrespective of gender.
Foremost, here let me say it loud and clear, Penguin is free to choose any toy. I don’t have to force him to play with dolls. It is a matter of choice and liking that we act on. For years, we have seen and taught that trucks and guns for boys while dolls are for girls. Our perceptions are colored that way. That thinking needs to be changed.
Emotional literacy
Emotional literacy involves recognizing and expressing one’s feelings. Children are learning to understand their emotions. Accepting emotions and responding right to strengthen their emotional intellect. Recognizing signs and talking about it helps the child a long way.
Giving a boy a doll to play brings out the nurturing side in them. The doll can bring out the caring side of boys and show out a reflection of fatherhood. Is that too much to digest? Well, they would eventually play fatherhood in life too. Just like girl show characteristics of maternal instincts, boys do show a paternal side too. The empathetic side of character evolves well with doll play.
Imagination
Most mornings after breakfast Penguin gets busy to feed his dolls. All are lined next to him and he would cook something from his kitchen set and feed them all. At times, they get dressed up and listen to a story with us. I feel happy to watch how Penguin brushes their teeth with a spare one and even take them on rides.
This doll play enhances his imagination power. I can note his growing vocabulary and social skills with toys and dolls.
Comfort
We just reached the phase where the favorite toy/doll accompany us to grocery shopping, doctor visits, and parks. Though the list keeps changing, I like how my toddler seeks dolls for comfort. Many parents claim how their child sleeps tugging his/her beloved doll sleep during nights. Dolls become companions, comfort givers.
Will each boy respond to dolls equally? No. The intensity of love and care would vary with every child. Remember, how each of us is so different individuals, ditto for our kids.
Now tell me – Should a boy play with dolls? Or let me re-phrase it can a boy play with a doll? What are your thoughts now? Share me your thoughts.
I think a lot can be allowed to happen in nucleur setups but is not necessarily permissible when family is visiting or just there with you. Some stereotypes are very strongly embedded.
Echo your thoughts, Prisha. Thanks for stopping by.
Play for kids should not be gender based. They should be allowed to play with everything and this promotes gender equality too in them.
Agree Amrit.
Yes playing with certain set of toys should not be restricted with the gender, I very strongly believe that. I am glad you talked about it in this post the various pros of boy playing with a doll.
Thanks for visiting dear.
Truly we on one hand discuss gender equality and then this kind of silly biases. My son too loves to carry around his favorite sot toy and I find it perfectly okay. Nowdays when we talk about sharing the load, why should boys not learn all this from the beginning.
When we talk about equality, let’s bring that home too. 🙂
I am so glad you have this perspective. Most parents lack the understanding that boys needs to develop an EQ level too from an early age to be in touch with their feminine side.
We need to treat a child as human before taking their gender as a concern. Thank you, Rajshree.
Absolutely boys can play with dolls and same with girls they can play with whatever toys like. We have to change the thinking that is prevailing from so long and affecting every mind and their thinking …you are doing great dear
One step at a time, Neha. Thanks for visiting.
Definitely a boy can play with a doll though we have so many Taboo associated with gender specific and it’s high we should overcome this
Together we can overcome stereotypes and biases.
Of course a boy can play with dolls . even my boy plays with dolls . you have justified your words so beautifully.. Loved the article.
Glad to hear your words Snigdha.
I’m so glad that you aren’t falling for the usual prejudiced mentality and letting Penguin play with dolls. I’m sure he’ll grow up to be a wonderful and empathetic human being.
Amen! I do hope for the same.
Beautiful piece Pragnya and I so agree boys can play with dolls. What’s wrong in that when my son asked for a barbie I readily obliged
Moms like you are inspiring Roma. So glad to know about your parenting style.
Very well written post Pragnya.In order to bring the change it has to start with mindful parenting. My boy loves putting bindi, cries for lipstick and don’t mind to feed his lion or soft toys. On the contrary my girl has become a great fan of Superman, hulk, cars and all boyish items and characters one can think off. We should leave it on our child to decide his toys.
Agree, let the child be a child and take their decisions.
In the earlier days , even this question would be blasphemous. Now though I do see new age parents like yourself thinking afresh. Why shouldn’t boys play with dolls or girls with guns? Who set the rules and why are we following them?
Asking why and bringing up a new perception is much needed to stay up with changing times. Right? 🙂
I really felt nothing bad about boys playing with dolls and all. My son love to play most of the time with the kitchen set and daughter love to enjoy her time with basketball or football ..it’s all about choices and upbringing them with emotions and equality!!
Agree and we need more like-minded parents, Ruchi.
I must confess that I was anxious when my son started playing with my daughter’s barbie unlike the Ben that your son is playing with ! The day he tried to copy me by using my lipstick , I was again concerned as it still is not easy being the Mom of a gay child .He outgrew it and I did not discourage him from enjoying himself but I was concerned .
I feel you. Sadly, We are raised in social conditioning where the role of gender is defined quite early.
I will be honest here ,when my son started playing with my daughter’s doll and applied my lipstick , I was just a tad bit anxious fearing he might have gay tendencies and started bracing myself for more ! But he soon outgrew it -that said – I am glad that we are getting more liberal and I do note him playing with a boy doll !
Thanks for visiting Preeti.
I guess kids know oly toys nothing have to be done with dolls as my daughter loves play with cars… Nice topic good to read…
Thanks for reading, Smitha.
Yes it’s ok for boys to play with dolls. All moms should allow that just like you. Your post on your little penguin was absolutely delightful to read.
Thank you for your kind words, Anahita.
As per the set notion, girls should play with dollars, kitchen set and boys should play with Legos and cars..I have a problem with this thinking. We are noone to give gender biased toys to our kids. I have seen my daughter playing with Legos and cars. She never played with dolls or tea sets. Now also when she is 12, she loves playing crickets which looks little odd to a few people but that’s okay.as long as she is enjoying, I don’t have any issues. Same goes for my son. He also like playing Legos, sometimes do a pretend play with his stuffed animals. Toys or playtim should be to foster creativity and imagination in kids and not segregating them on the basis of gender.
You echo my thoughts Alpana. Let kids choose their own preferences.
Unfortunately, this is sad aspect of our so called morden society, where one side people talk about gender equality and another side, they behave and judged even a little boy for doing the things which he love or enjoyed. I believe, of course a boy can play with a doll and it is best to avoid unsolicited parenting advice..logo ka kaam hai kahna, aur kuch to wo kahenge hi…
Yes, now I am immune to unsolicited advice. Here, I am to present another preception for all who unconsciously create a barrier in growth mindset. 🙂
Absolutely loved reading this blog. It talks about concepts in depth and makes so much practical sense.
Thanks for your kind words, Prisha.
Definitely, a boy can play with dolls. Great article. Don’t worry mumma … you are doing a great job. Keep it up!
We had a discussion this morning about getting gift for a birthday invite.. The first thing a toy shop sales person asks is.. boy or a girl.
I think it is high time we realize that we need to raise equal gender generation and stop discriminating toys of all things
Agree with you! loved the article dear!!
Agreed, equality starts at the very beginning n when a lil child is judged for his or her taste in toys, we cannot expect any Equality. In an era where sharing is caring, it is important to raise a girl with strong virtues for her to face the world n a boy must be raised with empathy around, probably that can slowly lead our society to the equality we r looking for. Great post.
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I have never played cricket/football or any “so-called” manly games till date and have always preferred playing with dolls or houses. It not only built me a better person but also taught me how to establish emotional stability. Love this blog post as it helped me commemorate my childhood memories.
Thanks for sharing your memories Aritro. You were blessed to have such amazing parents who never forced you to play so-called manly games. Hope, my child feels similar way in the future.
I have never played cricket/football or any “so-called” manly games in my life til date and have always preferred playing with dolls or houses. It not only built me a better person but also taught me how to establish emotional stability. Love this blog post as it helped me commemorate my childhood memories.
Absolutely agree with you ! I have seen many families where little Boys are teased by family members itself for playing with toys which they believe are intended for girls only and we don’t even realize this action impacts kids a lot making them learn and understand about gender discrimination..BTW even my hubby family would always gift dolls to my girl because Dolls are meant to be played by girls it seems .phew.. The roots are too old you see !
Hope we all put efforts together and raise a better future for our kids. Thanks for sharing your thoughts
One day my boy along with his cousin sister was paying pretend parents, and they were taking the doll child for a vaccination. I was so proud when he showed his concern for the child and helped the pretend play mother to take care of the crying child. It felt like parenting done right.