If you want to study yourself – look into the hearts of other people. If you want to study other people – look into your own heart.”
—Friedrich von Schiller
A life partner isn’t merely someone who keeps you company during the day-to-day — they should also challenge and inspire you to achieve more. “Relationships should ADD value and energy to your life, and not be a drain on either,” Dr. Jenev Caddell, psychologist. We all need to reflect on our relationships. Do you realize your spouse relationship has changed after a baby?
When you are often unhappy together or don’t have a topic to talk over a cup of tea. A self-analysis is needed, more for you than your partner.
“If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you.”
-Lao Tzu.
Before the end of this year, my husband and I are going to complete the first decade of togetherness. During the initial years, we tried to settle in, melted down thoughts, and molded together. Gradually we were on a pattern, make unspoken rules, and took things for granted.
In between those years, we changed homes, cities, even countries. Things turned sour when we had miscarriages. Friction grew. Surprisingly unexpected magic lamp rubbed, Penguin happened.
From a couple, we became parents. Responsibilities changed. Priorities altered. Center of the universe refashioned. Aren’t we all are growing concurrently?
Let me say for the millionth time, parenting is a beautiful yet tiring job. Especially in the initial years, a mother’s life revolves around the eat-poop-sleep cycle. Then those teething troubles, toilet training, and teaching new skills are never-ending.
A day goes on so long and parents wonder when the time flew away. At times I feel handling a new-born was better than handling an opinionated toddler. Oh! Don’t get me wrong I love my Penguin to bits. But parenting fatigue is real.
A new baby. A new you. Literally a new everything.
You have the responsibility of a human who entirely depend on you to know-hows. Women suffering from Postpartum depression (PPD) is not uncommon. It takes a toll on emotional, behavioral, and cognitive reactions. Maternal-infant bonding might get delayed. Often other relationship quotients also change. But most affected one spousal. Father might be clueless about how to help his partner. New moms already have enough in their plate with physical tiredness, sleepless nights and marathon feeds.
Do you know even fathers can suffer from PPD?
Long story short, communicate your thoughts with significant other. Let the spouse help.
How we work on spouse relationship change after we had a baby?
My REFLECTION on relationship with Mr. Fabulous happened in stages.
- First was REALIZATION, when I accepted my emotional exhaustion. I was lost. My new physical appearance was baggage. On top of it, were my perfect mother’s expectations. A neat house, tidy kitchen, and calm baby. I was drowning with predictions – projections and procrastination.
- So, I had to ACT. Easy said than done. I learned to live with basics. Roti-kapda-makaan. A well-fed happy baby needs a healthy mom. Right? So, we adopted in healthy living with the right food for body and soul. Lots of self-love, gratitude, and happiness. One part of my revamp journey is intentional living.
- Reality to be told, I still take pause and step back. It gives a slowdown to my relationships as a mother and wife too. So, I take a pause, CHECK, and try again.
One might wonder if I was doing all homework then where my spouse was. Well he was, still is beside me, pushing me when I am low, patting as I move. He appreciates and stands by me. Thank you for being there with me Mr. Fabulous.
Reflecting on any relationship is important because it implies that you are not simply accepting the ‘status quo’ of relationships and can then challenge yourself to create something more rewarding and fulfilling overall.
Remember there is no such thing as a perfect childhood, a perfect parent, or a perfect person. The mere thought of perfection is a comparison trap. Work on your spouse relationship change after a baby. He or she is your life partner and they deserve your attention-love-care as well.
Do share your thoughts on the comments.
Aw, this was a very nice post. In concept I want to put in writing like this moreover – taking time and actual effort to make an excellent article… however what can I say… I procrastinate alot and under no circumstances seem to get one thing done.
that is so true, understanding is the key to healthy relationship. Even our kids will learn that
Understanding each other and giving support when one needs it is the key essential of a successful relationship. Loved reading your post.
You have so beautifully explained the relationship which is based on love and friendship as I too believe that it goes hand in hand
I feel the right communication is the most basic as well as an important step in nurturing a relationship. When we stop communicating our needs and expectations and our feelings, things start going wrong coz the other person is not a mind reader. So, it’s always better to fill any gaps & yes reflection is also a great way to find out which part needs healing. Once again a superb post by you Pragnya.
Really thoughtful post buddy, we need to invest in each and every relation of ours including our spouse, that’s the only learning I have in life
In a long term relationship understanding between couples is necessary to make their relationship workout! you have written so well!!
The main backbone in a husband-wife relationship is faith, friendship and understanding. I love how you have covered all tiny tiny points.. Beautifully written.
There are many ups and downs in a relationship and as u said communication is the key. glad things worked out between you two. My best wishes to you.
becoming a mom is a new phase and things do change. The relationship between the spouses also keep changing – more trust affection
you are right darling, everything changes after being mom. it make us learn so many things , even our relation grow on another level with more care ,love and understanding
Good understanding between couple makes our life better and this is gonna take long time relationship
Friendship and understanding are the pillers of a healthy relationship among husband and wife. We undergo several changes, its better to accept in fornt of he one who cares then hiding out.
You have been quite candid in this post.
You are so right here. After being a mom a lot of things change in life. especially the relationship with our spouse. I like how he was behind you and pushing you to do the best.
as I always say, behind every powerful woman, there is a man supoorting her and pushing her to reach the sky