If you want to study yourself – look into the hearts of other people. If you want to study other people – look into your own heart.”
—Friedrich von Schiller
A life partner isn’t merely someone who keeps you company during the day-to-day — they should also challenge and inspire you to achieve more. “Relationships should ADD value and energy to your life, and not be a drain on either,” Dr. Jenev Caddell, psychologist. So, we need to reflect on our relationships. When you are often unhappy together or don’t have a topic to talk over cup of tea. A self-analysis is needed, more for you than your partner. “If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you.” -Lao Tzu.
Before the end of this year we are going to complete first decade of togetherness. During the initial years we tried to settle in, melted down thoughts and molded together. Gradually we fell on a pattern, make unspoken rules and took things for granted. In between those years, we changed homes, cities, even countries. Things turned sour when we had miscarriages. Friction grew. Surprisingly unexpected magic lamp rubbed, Penguin happened.
Changing from a couple, we became parents. Responsibilities changed. Priorities altered. Center of the universe refashioned. We reflected and then we all are growing concurrently. Let me say for the millionth time, parenting is beautiful yet tiring job. Specially the initial years, a mother’s life revolve around eat-poop-sleep cycle. Then those teething troubles, toilet training and teaching new skill are never ending. Day go on so long and parents wonder when the time flew away. At times I feel handling a new-born was better than handling an opinionated toddler. Oh! Don’t get me wrong I love my Penguin to bits. But parenting fatigue is real. You have the responsibility of a human who entirely depend on you to know-hows. Women suffering from Postpartum depression (PPD) is not uncommon. It takes toll on emotional, behavioral and cognitive reactions. Maternal-infant bonding might get delayed. Often other relationship quotients also change. But most affected one spousal. Father might be clueless on how to help his partner. New moms already have enough in their plate with physical tiredness, sleepless nights and marathon feeds. Long story short, communicate your thoughts with significant other. Let the spouse help.
My REFLECTION on relationship with Mr. Fabulous happened in stages.
- First was REALIZATION, when I accepted my emotional exhaustion. I was lost. My new physical appearance was a baggage. On top of it, were my perfect mother expectations. A neat house, tidy kitchen and calm baby. I was drowning with predictions – projections and procrastination.
- So, I had to ACT. Easy said than done. I learned to live with basics. Roti-kapda-makaan. A well-fed happy baby needs a healthy mom. Right? So, came in healthy living with right food for body and soul. Lots of self-love, gratitude and happiness. One part of my revamp journey is mindful living.
- Reality to be told, I still take pause and step back. It gives a slowdown to my relationships as a mother and wife too. So, I take a pause, CHECK and try again.
One might wonder if I was doing all homework then where my spouse was. Well he was, still is beside me, pushing me when am low, patting as I move. He appreciates and stand by me. Thank you for being there with me Mr. Fabulous.
Reflecting on any relationship is important because it implies that you are not simply accepting the ‘status quo’ of relationships and can then challenge yourself to create something more rewarding and fulfilling overall.
Do share your thoughts on relationship reflection.
Until next time then.