Somewhere in Africa, an old proverb says, “It takes a village to raise a child”. Profound truth. No one needs to add further words to the proverb. Parenting is indeed not a one-man task. It needs an interacting active community to raise a child in a happy and safe environment. They are the thriving support system.
In the previous post of the series “Dilemma faced by modern parents,” we expressed a view on Evolution of parenting. How parenting has changed magnanimously from our grandparents to us? The art of raising a child has changed and today’s parent is pondering if they are doing it right. Even before a child is conceived, rounds of judgments do exists. No Sherlock moment here. However, the moment a child comes in scenario the center of the universe shifts. And here the talk is more diverse than what’s-the-gender. Making the parent worried if they are just doing it the right ways or are they qualified to be a good parent. Can you see the thunders of pressure?
We are in a period of time where parents believe they have to do it all, all by themselves and all to perfection. The parents are under immense pressure.
Another strong reason to have a village.
Why do we need a village?
The village is figurative here. The village has grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and more people. Doesn’t this remind you of joint families of India or the vacations when you were surrounded by cousins? A village to raise a child.
Surrounded by people the child discovers other people who love them unparalleled and gets a pack of supporters. A child does have parental support and guidance but the additional volume of love and cheering encourages a child. During tough times like illness, the village takes up parenting job. Including the breastfeeding troubles, baby blues, and postpartum depression phases. There is always someone to listen to a parent’s trouble and give probable solutions. The community plays, care and listen to child tirelessly. When one is worn-out, others take over.
The village makes a strong bond with children giving a sense of wholeness with the community. The child gets exposed to a bigger world, knows about things more than just himself. There is team bonding.
The child understands the dynamics of love, relationship, culture, festivals, traditions, and food palate better. Playdates don’t need meticulous planning and preparations. Every day is a play date.
The case of missing village
In India last century saw the migration of people in several ways for several reasons. People moved from villages to towns and cities hoping a better quality of life. Many moved out of the country seeking opportunities to uplift life. The lifestyle did improve in many cases. The kids got better chances of education. The family received healthcare benefits. People started living the life of a global citizen. All are good until the village we talk about here started to scatter. Nuclear family setups do have pros and cons of their own, well one would say, so do the joint family or the village community. True.
Time saw a change in nuclear setup too. Parents, at times both started working out of the home. There were career desires, job opportunity and in some cases financial need. While things were good in one font as a parent is an individual too, one who has goals and dreams and consistently work on them. Parenting with work pressure does take a toll on a parent’s mental happiness. Before you rebuke the theory, study says 70% of parents are unhappiest in the initial 2 years of parenthood. Their happiness graph drops drastically in the period. The exhausted parents feel loneliness and get detachment feeling.
Parents, who go by the label as working or SAHM or WFH, can’t love every single moment of parenthood. There are highs and lows. And if there is a parent who claims to love every nano-second is parenthood, possibly that’s psychological defense like justifying their choices.
How are those unhappy parent and village related?
For starters, that village would have at least given a hug to the parents. Later sorting them by sharing the load. The support system can boost the well being and morale of parents as well as children.
Though parents today seek help in the form of a nanny, daycare, and cook; the trust remains an issue. They also add another financial load to the family budget.
With an extended family, the threat of child abuse does exist too. Especially when statistics claim that most child abusers are known to the victim. Yet, with awareness and education, we can do prevention too. Like teaching about good touch and bad touch early in life, how to say No, whom to approach in absence of parents. Making the child aware of danger do help. Just like we talk about to avoid the thorny bushes or jumping from heights etc.
The village saves the parents from expectations mismatch. In case you wanted a child, who listens to you, talk calmly and smiles all day, you set your expectations to reach stars without a spaceship. The community hold you from physical worn-out, mental exhaustion, emotional drainage and intellectually challenged. If you are wondering how can adorable kids push parents up the wall, you are always welcome to babysit my toddler. Brush up all your knowledge till date before facing my toddler Penguin and all other kids. These munchkins can start talking about underpants and after 5 minutes they would strongly have opinions on dinosaur fossils. Interested take charge of potty training too. And if you are already a parent, hugs we are doing a brilliant job.
In the nuclear world, the village clearly faded. But what if the village to raise a child can be made again?
How to create a village when it takes a village to raise one
When it was said, it takes a village to raise a child. It included the parents too. Parents learn child-rearing too. At times from their own failures. Other times watching and learning from rest mass. So, why can’t we create one that saves the parents from burnout and gives the child a community too?
Network with neighbors and extended families living in the vicinity or even far. Travel and communicate with them all. Hard stuff but little effort will have a deep impact on lives. Collaborate in school and locality. Extend help to other parents.
The new village allows today’s modern parents to accept venerability, learn to parent together and receive help. Grow together.
Do you have a modern village around you?
This post is a part of the conversation about “Dilemma faced by modern parents in the early years of childhood”.
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Village, completely in sync with what you say, also the greenery and open spaces apart form the people that allow the child to explore and breathe fresh every new day. Lovely concept. and thought-provoking too! Really!
Glad to hear that our thoughts match. Thank you for reading.
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Loved this post and like the tips. learn from your experience too
Thank you Bushra 🙂
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Lovely post and so relevant today to busy parents. Hope many new parents read this.
Thanks again Brinda. Your words are encouraging 🙂
“if there is a parent who claims to love every nano-second is parenthood, possibly that’s psychological defense like justifying their choices” – absolutely spot on!! What a great perspective. This made for a good read.
Good luck,
Surbhi #surreads
https://prettymummasays.com
Thank you Surbhi. I’m humbled.
Agree with you! Long gone are the days when dadi, chachi, chachu, bade papa, badi mummy would shower their love on the child and as an old saying goes ‘Bache kab bade ho jate hai pata hi nai chalta’
Yes. Thanks for stopping by Isha
We as parents are constantly under lot of pressure today, but we are the only ones who are raising the bar everyday.. we want perfection and we are aiming at it
True. Our expectations do burn us. Thanks for reading Arti
Going through the similar phase, I can relate to it. I was staying in a city with all my family nearby and now in a different city I miss my village and the tribe. Hope I can create a modern village at least!
You surely will Disha. If you had it once, you know the key to recreate one. Thanks for stopping by.
Not just for kids , sometimes I feel we need the village for our own sanity and sense of belonging too. A very well written post.
Yes. a village for both parent and child. Thanks Pratibha
I can completely agree with you on this. The way how we are grown up amidst nature, family and fun is missing these days. Kids are getting used to monotonous lifestyle locked inside schools and houses. WE need to bring a change.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Sanjota
What a beautiful write-up. You have explained the plight of parenting very nicely. I being a new parent can relate to this how important is it for a child to grow up in a VILLAGE. Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you Shamik coming this from a parent I am glad to voice out my thoughts
Hi Pragnya! I think unless you stay in secure gated communities, it’s virtually hard to find villages in the cosmopolitan cities. Joint family is the next best option. Interesting read.
Yes gated communities are great option. they do have safety, facility and friends. Thanks for reading Tina
My pleasure, Pragnya!
My grandmother used to say how during their times the children grew up among so many people in a joint family that the mom never had to take any pressure except to check once a while, seems like some fairy tale these days.
A perk of village or a community. Thank you Menaka
I totally agree to your post and think it’s a much needed one today! Because of this missing village most parents are afraid to conceive a second child. They find it difficult to raise even one!
Well pointed Saba about the 2nd child. Thank you
An amazing post ! In today’s world indeed the child needs a village so that it may grow morally , spiritually. It makes the child realise how to deal with situations in life.
Thank you 🙂
Yesterday I read Darwin’s theory of evolution – it mentions that whatever we don’t use, nature discards it automatically e.g. the human tail. With time, we have started using our thumbs to type WhatsApp messages on the phone, but we don’t use our tongues when we meet a person offline. Families are getting smaller and our online friendlist, bigger. Its a sad state of affairs.
I love the fact that your post has highlighted this very vital point and also focussed on the fact that one needs an ecosystem of family and friends to grow emotionally. Keep writing such informative posts! Thank you! #DiaryOfAnInsaneWriter #MyFriendAlexa
Quite an insight with Darwin’s theory. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I completely liked this, till I reached last para I was wondering how can we bring back the village at the end I realized I was raised in one such modern village only, with both my parents working we had neighbors who were closer than relatives, unfortunately I didn’t create same for my kids. but its never to late to take right measures, thanks for reminding that village still exists, and can be taken help from.
Like you said,it’s never late. Thanks for sharing your experience.
😊
I kind of agree to this post, in villages or joint families parenting is a combination of many faces and duty shared by all. Probably the reason I find 80s kids more accommodating than any other gen. Lovely thoughts…
Thank you
Thought provoking post! You make a very valid point on how the concept of society as a family is slowly dwindling. Good job!
Thanks for reading
Can relate with all the circumstances,feels like it’s story of mine,but at somw point today’s parents are also have their limitation due to their job,an element which cannot be ignored.very nice topic raised by you.
Thank you Archana
You have penned down this thought so beautifully. Even I am raising my two kids all alone and in this too I face lots of judgement. So somewhere, a lot of pressure stays there in my mind that whether I am doing right or not.
The judgments by others can never pause or stop. We have to take a stand. Thanks for sharing your experience Samidha.
In today’s nuclear family culture, it’s becoming increasing difficult to raise a kid (or children!). This is a great post. I love the part about building a modern village. We have got to adapt ourselves to the changing times after all! Great post, Pragnyaji. 🙂
Thank you Shweta.I would appreciate the elimination of ji here 😀
Haha okay. Point duly noted, Pragnya. 😃
🙂
This is such an amazing post, Pragnya. Yes, parents are under constant pressure to parent well and at times we simply fail what to do. Yes, it’s time to have the back up of a village for better parenting.
Thanks Rohan
This blog needs to go viral. The wisdom enclosed here is critical. And so well articulated.
Thank you for your kindness.
you have put a light on a great topic a great write up ty for sharing as a mom it was really great reading it.. #simireads
Thank you Smita
I had never heard of this concept, really intriguing. The post made me wonder about a number of things that we face in our everyday life. Thank you!
Thanks Pooja
Next question that needs to be raised is Y was there a fallout from a village structure among us to nuclear… that might answer the inevitable that Y we is modern family under so much pressure.
Many grandparents are still working and have a life in different city. Can they wind up their life to join the grandchildren or can new parents take their work to tier -2 or 3 towns to stay with family? The nuclear set up is unavoidable for such situations.
A great thought expressed beautifully in your writing. I am not a mother yet, but seeing other parents of my age, I kinda feel pressure especially since I stay away from my parents and in-laws.
I did underestimated the power of support system in the beginning of parenthood and had burnt myself badly. You can always create one with friends and neighbors around.
Grass can be greener… I have friends with kids in both set ups and they each have their own pros and cons!
No denial on that. Thanks for dropping by
So agree with you. The village is missing, given to the nuclear setup and lifestyle. But we need to make connections if we don’t have a relative nearby. Makes so much sense!
Agree Charu. Thanks for reading
Ahh…. What a hot topic for new parents like me.. like every coin has two faces… This village also comes with its own pros and cons.. I live with my parents and there are numerous times when they were equally a problem as they usually are a help..
A package deal comes with every community. We have take a strong hold on decisions
Such a lovely post! I loved reading every part of it.
Thank you 🙂
This is very true..children need a community to raise them and help them grow into complete individuals but these days it is nuclear parents left with the onerous task.
#wordsmithkaurreads #BlogChatter #MyFriendAlexa
Thanks for reading 🙂 Community is a must for parents and kids
Thank your Naya for this wonderful post the words really hit deep.
although I’m not a parent but I could so relate to every word you wrote
Thank you Sarah
Hi Pragnya 🙂
This was quite an interesting post and very relevant in these times of Nuclear family setups and working parents. Very well written.
Thank you Nilesh
I was brought up in a village and I feel that my kids are missing a lot of practical knowledge in this city life
Thanks for reading Rakhi
Interesting perspective Pragnya. I feel it indeed takes a village to raise a child and have been fortunate enough to get support when needed. I do agree with you that it’s becoming increasingly challenging now.
Even I was fortunate one in creating a healthy village.Thanks for stopping by Prerna.
Very profound. But can the rapid social change be reversed?
I wonder how? if not the exact ecosystem a supporting one helps. Thanks for reading Pallavi
This is such a very important topic that needs discussion. Even thinking of child rearing is a huge daunting task. The modern day problems have been discussed very aptly in this blog post.
Thank you Ginia
beautifully woven post highlighting a key dilemma of our times. the metaphor/ parallel of village is interesting and provides lot of fodder for deliberation. i think the aspirations and ambitions took us far away from the once inherent system of joint family. somehow, we, as a society, are still figuring out to build an alternate support system. but, as you have mentioned in your post, in the midst of all this, our children are losing out the opportunity to learn the basic emotions and values, in an organic way.
Words, Narinder. I can see the trainer in you with these words. Wrapped up the zest in brief. Glad to connect with you and thanks for reading.
It takes a village to raise a child.. true that… Lovely read Pragnya. Parenting is a huge task & having the additional hands and mind to share the load is always a great idea…
Thank you Kushal.
Both joint and nuclear families have their positives and negatives as you say. And it is a fact that a large number of people go to raise a child including the school where the child get to learn lot of things. The teachers and other children are also part of the village.
Yes, teachers and school are also a part of the modern village. Thanks Jai
In today’s modern world where each aspect of parenting has many perspectives, the parents are ultimate guide. I agree we need multiple people around child to understand life better but at same time people should stop judging parents for their style of parenting. I guess parents needs to be more patient and open to listen to others advice
We can’t change others point of view but we can choose what to with the judgement faced. Something I am trying to write in sooner post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Meenal and Sonal
So true, it takes a village to raise a child. Sadly in our urban lifestyle and nuclear setup all the essense of the village/ big group raising a child is long gone. having said this I feel this also gives us a sense of high responsibility to raise a better human .
Yes modern lifestyle take us by surprise in parenting. Creating a healthy support system fills the gap. Thanks for reading Gunjan
So beautifully penned down. In the nuclear family setups the village part is missing. But honestly, I feel that it can be cultivated and nurtured if the parents are willing to!! But our busy lifes will never just give time and space for the same
I feel the village can be nurtured. Or I was just lucky enough to create one in all 3 places we moved in span of 3 years. I kept me sane.
Wow now thats what I call a great topic.. seriously this is a well thought of article and yes with many people around a child gets a wholesome upbringing and parents too are relieved to an extent.
Thank you so much Judy
True! In village, the child understands the dynamics of love, food palate, relationship, traditions culture, festivals, better which in nuclear families is missing. A nicely written post!
Thank you Srishti
We all go through this isolation and connection, so well elucidated by you
Thank you Pooja
This is the current situation of every home now a days..but we as a parent need to create and give such ahhpy environment for healthy growth
Can’t agree more, Ruchie
A nicely written post but I still feel the child needs his/her parents first, a joint family or village comes much later once baby’s need for love and care is satiated at home. Also, as a society we are still very conservative and laden with superstition…I guess we have to balance the pros and cons and leave each to their own decision. #thatchedroofreads #MyFriendAlexa
Balance is a keyword Ninu.Balancing against judgements, rationale. Each have two sides.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate.
Well written Pragnya, we always relate to the past and how our parents brought us up, however with changing times and nuclear families taking a front seat in our lives we can only wonder how to adapt.
Thank you Anahita.
In my opinion, there is always a pros and cons of every lifestyle. Yes, I understand, village makes a strong bond.
There is a lot of support when we are in joint family.
Totally Trapti. How can things go smooth making life boring in any lifestyle? However, burnout would be a big no-no
Very true! when we were children we had different times as compared to our children. That time the joint family concept was so much in that any one would willingly take care of the children and thus a village is needed to raise the children. However, with people going out for jobs things have chnaged. These days the nuclera setups are the in thing. However, the new parents should not shy away from asking for help from parents and neighbours, thereby, creating a village of their own. I guess this is the best way a village can be made. #ShubhraReads #MyFriendAlexa
You totally summed up my thoughts quicky Shubhra. Thank you
i love the post. indeed raising a child in a herculean task. a figurative village would teach child a lots of things like sharing, compromise, team work, adaptability with are good qualities. lovely post.
Yes, a community encourages sharing, team work and rest points too. Glad you loved the post. Thanks Richa
What you say is really true but another thiNg is that we have become so impatient to the ideas of others. So more the number of people involved in parenting, more the number of ideas and judgements about handling the child. So maybe that is why parents prefer to leave everyone out. And that increases the stress further. What do you think.
True. There is always another side of story. Multiple people means multiple options on parenting. It might be stressful when one can’t cope up with pressure. But if you have a choice of choosing whom to follow in parenting, who actually cares about you and your children. That can be a turning point. In big families friction is bound to happen. It’s our respond that matters in the end
How well you put it!
I miss leaving in village, I often try and visit to nearby villages, I love the vibes they give .
#millennialscribbler
Hey Asfa, it would be great if you can go through the post again. If you are away from the village, create one darling.
Very well analyzed and put together! A child needs to grow up as a part of a society, to understand values of sharing, caring, bonding, relationships, struggles and more, to make him a well-rounded personality.
Glad you echo my thoughts Kala. Thank you😊
Agree with you absolutely. A child should grow up in a society. Healthy attitudes come from human contacts.
Well said Sir. Healthy attitude do need human interaction
This is soo true! you wrote it beautifully
Thanks Vidhya
Parenting is becoming more and more tough. Appearance of computer, phone, social media have made life of a parent difficult. Being in a nuclear family where both parents work, one never knows what the kid is upto. With so many TV channels, availability of adult content at the finger tip does not make it any easier. More so when parents bring work home, many are tired after a long commute and office pressure and themselves immersed in their phones.
I resonate with your thoughts Abhijit Sir. And that’s even my next topic. Expecting your thoughts in the upcoming post. Thank you
Thoroughly enjoyed your post Pagnya! What food for thought! Yes we are missing the social ecosystem needed to meet our need for affection and belongingness. Our children are deprived of the warmth of joint families, relatives that the earlier generation enjoyed. We can’t blame our kids to take up smartphones instead of enjoying family time.
Glad to hear your words. Thank you.
Wonderful read! You have explained it all in the most simple terms 🙂 I feel lucky to be raised with my granny, aunt and uncle’s along with my parents and younger sibling. It helps me a lot till date and I wish to do the same with my would be kid in future.
#MyFriendAlexa #vigorousreads
Wonderful thought Varsha
This post is an eye-opener in many ways. I don’t have a child, so I can’t really comment authoritatively. But seeing others I believe noone has that village system support these days. I wish all parents read this post. Happy Alexa month!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Shalini. A village, for all strong points stand out on one, would save burnout in parents
Never got that village! Was raised in a family of four and the same is continued with my kids too. I wonder how people manage in joint families, must be fun. Liked the solution you have come up with, that definitely helps.
Yes, the house is rarely quite in a joint family. Haha. Thanks Rashi
ohh..yes..we do have a modern village around us. and I guess we all should have one. kids need to understand different shades of relations and how the definition changes with every relation. We can teach them all this only when we have a modern village around us.
Totally Alpana. Kids get more exposure to the world with the modern villages. The culture introduction gets easier in life.
Not a parent but I can see how helpful the post is.
#SamarpitaReads #MyFriendAlexa
Thank you Samarpita. It must be little tough to understand the dynamics in the post but am so glad to hear that you saw my intentions of the post. 🙂
Agree that it needs a village, but somehow I am not in support of huge joint families. Born and brought up in a family of 35 people, I actually did not enjoy staying together. Today we stay far from each other but we maintain good relations. But when we were together, we were not close by hearts. I still have that huge family at my mom’s side but can’t really think of having a huge family to raise my child. I am happy that my in laws are staying with us and they are a big support to raise my kiddo. But I nowhere expect all the cousins to come and stay together forever. We need modern villages now.
That’s understandable. In huge families there would be a difference in opinion yet they are bonded and can help in time of need without much hesitation.
The modern village can have just grandparents too. they are ever loving and kind to kids.
This series hits a chord with me Pragnya. It is because we don’t have a village to raise a child that we start looking forward to online forums for non-judgmental advice. Unfortunately, the difference is huge. The end result is overworked and hyper stressed parents bringing up a child on their own.
Online forum do help a lot too Sonia. One just had to use a fine filter while seeking help. I got to understand my hyperlactation from online portal. my entire village was clueless and never heard of it earlier. But yes, the real hugs words and affection makes worst trouble easy.
Thank you Sonia your affirmative word gives me a pat on back.
I completely agree with you and personally I had seen so many ups and down in my parenting journey. Loved this post and like the solution too..looking forward for all upcoming posts. really loved your theme and You had done a great work for sharing all valuable inputs. #Surbhireads #Myfriendalexa
I am so glad to hear this from a mom raising two amazing girls. Thank you Surbhi 🙂
I am happy to see that you chose to write on this topic and the solution that you have shared is really helpful. Today’s parenting is the toughest.
Thanks Neha. Your words are encouraging 🙂
I so relate to this post going this phase myself. I am facing an issue to develop a modern village too. Hoping to create a great environment for my child.
Your blog brought home a lot of facts that one could relate too; very aptly summed and indeed a crucial need for the child & parent harmonial growth
Thanks Vashi 🙂 you are kind.
Such a lovely post. In the time of nuclear families, the idea of a village raising a child is revolutionary. It’s true that the society suggested by our ancestors was for a good reason.
#MyFriendAlexa
#AditiReads
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Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts Aditi.
You can surely develop the modern village Mahek. It takes time to flourish. Hugs 🙂
Sure thanks 🤗
so beautiful written, yes if we have village to raise family its charm is different but alas this has changed but we are working on modern village and my son raise in that modern village , blessed with lovely neighborhood
Blesses is the child and parents who get a modern village Gurjeet.