It’s a weekend afternoon, a Sunday. As a family today we have scheduled a picnic in our small balcony. We can’t go outdoors amid the pandemic. Little soon to be 4 years old, Penguin might bring his kitchen set or construction set or even paint. Anything that he would choose that moment. We have plans to sing songs, make sandwiches or rolls, spot birds, and identify patterns of clouds. It’s a regular day. Mr. Fabulous, my husband and I have plans to wrap up work early. Make some masala tea, did I ever mention he makes amazing ones? And enjoy each other’s company. A living philosophy that we are adopted, especially after the birth of our child and spiral down experience during the initial years of parenting is “Slow Parenting”.
Years ago, when our child was little over 2, as a parent we used to schedule his entire day meticulously. Once baby Penguin was up, we used to rush for morning business, make breakfast together before reaching the playground around 8 am. During breakfast, we used to push him to hurry, finish the meal we would be late. The word hurry was carelessly thrown daily in our lives and went for months. Until my almost 3 years old asked “Why?”. Probably, his one word “Why?” was enough for us to think the reasons we rushing with children so young. Undoubtedly even stopped us from enrolling him into daycare services and playgroups. Not judging here any parents who depend on any services, but this was our learning curve.
“Hurry up, dear!” “Let’s go” “I’m waiting come on”, we parents use these words very early in our children’s life.
We were not ready to wait for a day when we regret losing our parenting moments to rush. We started interpreting our words before voicing them out to our toddler. The universe conspired and soon we stumbled upon a few podcasts and discovered some amazing books that helped us understand the parent we want to be. I would be sharing a list in the end, stay tuned.
What is Slow Parenting?
We are living in an era much different from our childhood. Parents are busy and there is leap advancement in technology. Jumping between work and family, constant buzz notifications, and children’s after school activity classes tire the hell out of parents. Including the work from home and stay at home parents. In this busy schedule, if a person desires a break or carves for some moments away, it is quite expected.
We often say, children grow up fast. Where has the time gone by? That’s where slow parenting style comes into picture.
Broadly speaking, slow parenting focuses on quality time over quantity time, being present in the moment with the child, and making an intentional strong positive connection. Instead of rushing kids from one activity class to another, invest time with them.
Like Dr. Anthony P. Witham once said “children spell love…T-I-M-E.”
Spending quality time with our children is crucial for their holistic development and happiness.
Benefits of slow parenting
Existing is an age when the day is meticulously planned, parents pre-plan the expectations of raising a child. In slow parenting children are allowed to be themselves while parents watch over them.
- Parents encourage children to be curious and independent. They provide help only when its is needed or asked by children.
Thinking out loud, perhaps the idea of slow parenting was somewhat adopted by our South East Asian parents’ decades earlier. I have spent summer vacations climbing trees, chasing dragonflies, and eating Indian blackberry with sprinkled salt. They were no running around swim classes or music lessons. My sister and I had limited toys and books, weekend movies with family were much awaited. We had to solve our own troubles but seek help from parents whenever needed.
- The philosophy believes in more access to nature and less of screen-toys-structured play. The aim of this parenting style is to raise happy curious children who are problem solvers and open to new approaches. With lesser distractions, the child develops an interest in exploration. The creative side of a child keeps scratching time and again.
- The children grow up confident and resilient beings.
- Slowing down also helps in diminishing and to a large extend stopping the power struggle with children.
Adopting slow parenting in life
Often, we misinterpret being busy with being productive. We tightly pack our schedules, keep jumbling priorities, believe in a set of accomplishments that would bring happiness. We run all day, right from the morning alarm till we say goodnight. Then complain, cry about not having enough time. With kids in tow, we enter a new space, especially during the initial years of parenting.
Parents feel void of leaving out the old life, at the same time take on guilty rides. Guilty of not being enough, not providing enough. Most guilt trips go on for years, so let’s say never ends.
With the slower approach to life, parents and children spend quality time. They bond deeper, communicate feelings, thoughts, and discover themselves.
The feeling of overwhelm is known to all. It’s all-consuming. At some point in time, we might have felt that. Slow living and slow parenting minimize the haze of overflowed emotions. How? Upon adopting a slow lifestyle, one tends to enjoy a wholesome life over just living life.
Let’s introspect while traveling on a bus from home to work or back what would most people see? Would they have a mental list of to-do things as soon as they reach work? Or they are planning for the next meal while sitting next to the window? How many of us would actually watch the leaves swaying to the gentle breeze as the bus crosses? Or watch a florist selling flowers to a young couple and catch the twinkling eyes?
We, humans, are increasingly living on the run. Hoping from one task to another. We forget to appreciate the tiny yet profound things around us that are the pillars of life.
With kids in life, parents often browse ways to increase cognitive abilities, get kids loads of puzzles or books, gift them with new gadgets but forget to spent quality time with them. A meal with the entire family talking about the day with no gadget is one of the best ways to spend time together.
5 Ways to include quality time in lifestyle
- Be present.
Today in many homes both parents are working. A lot of time is spent at work, commuting, or doing household chores. In a busy life, spending focused mindful moments of even an hour is worth of gold. An hour of talking, cooking, gardening, or playing leaves a deep positive impression on children. The minutes spent with children without distractions of gadgets or others make the bonding stronger.
- Appreciate nature
While we do move from work to home, use trains or other modes of transport; we rarely give ourselves a chance to go outdoors. Go on nature walks, hike with children, and take a closer look at nature. Feel the breeze touching you, your footprints that trails behind you. We can’t talk enough about the benefits of outdoor play or morning walk with kids.
- Mindful eating
Smartphones, Smart T.V.s, Kindle, etc have moved to our dining tables. Even if they aren’t there, we do gobble up food without actually appreciating it. Like Rujuta Diwekar often says in her books and talks, be mindful of each bite. Cherish the texture and taste. Enjoy the food. Talk about the food with children. Let them know the labors of farmers and how the food reached from farm to table.
Screen time worries a lot of parents. Yet, many parents go for screen time as an option for easy feeding to kids. Initially, it may work great, but with time children tend to associate screen time with meals. A meal without any gadget relishing its worth is worth a try.
- One task at a time
Are you a proud multi-tasker? There is no shaming here. I was once there. Watching T.V while working on assignments, stirring a meal, at times talking with a friend. I was doing too many things, yet not true to any.
Now planning a day or week in blocks, prioritizing needs vs wants, switching off distractions make me more productive. Focus on one thing at a time. Before starting another work take a pause, breathe, and pull yourself together.
- Learn to relax
Instead of over-scheduling a day (especially weekends) packing it with activities or playdates etc. Try to unwind together as a family. Go on a picnic, or cook a meal together or play a board game. Each family has unique ways to relax, discover that zone, and breathe. Just like a mother’s ME time and a child’s alone time and a family needs family relaxation time.
There is no rule or prescribed method to adopt a slow lifestyle that cascades as slow parenting. A slow and simpler life brings peace, joy, and happy healthy families.
“There is more to life than increasing its speed.”
~Gandhi
Resources that help
Books and podcasts that have helped and is helping in our journey –
In Praise of Slow: How a Worldwide Movement is Challenging the Cult of Speed by Carl Honore
Under Pressure: Rescuing our children from the culture of hyper-parenting by Carl Honore
The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking
The Slow your home (Podcast)
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Photo courtesy – Photo by Daria Obymaha, Vlada Karpovich, Elina Sazonova
I would agree with every word you have written, though can’t say I am able to follow them to the best of my capacity. While juggling so many things, it becomes difficult to slow down.
Look forward to reading some of the resources you have shared here.
Hope the resources do help you out, Sakshi. Thanks for visiting.
Pragnya you have penned this post so well and it is the need of an hour that we adopt slow parenting. Getting easy with schedules and observing kids and help them when they need me are the pointers I follow.
You are doing good dear.
I like to play quality time with my son too, we do a lot of things together. Never knew it was called slow parenting, though! NIce to know about it.
Cheers to that, Tina.
Slow parenting is a new term for me . Your pointers are very practical and helpful for new parents . Great write up
Thanks, Snigdha!!
This here, is definitely an informative and insightful post. As you have said, most of us parents hurry our children while they are eating, playing, or doing their homework. Little do we realise how we rip them off their precious enjoyment and experience. I am going to read the links shared by you.
Glad to hear that.
Very well explained about slow parenting. I must say penguin is learning and exploring something every single day. He is a creative side and you are helping him to grow his imagination more in the positive way. Very well done.
Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words, Deepika. Much love!
This is the best read for the day. I really mean it. Its rejuvenating, pacifying and helpful. As parents, we are juggling. All – the – time! At times, all we got to do is sit back and compare ourselves with our past forms, not to feel dismissive, but rather motivated. We’ve achieved so much…and that’s because our kids have empowered us!
Children are gateways to meet our better selves if we try. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Vaishali.
Didn’t know the term slow parenting and it is such a wonderful experience together. To live in the moment with your child. Let the child lead! Nice blog.
Thanks, Seema!
I didnt know the term slow parenting exists. But at times and specially during the pandemic I’ve also been doing it…. being alone with 2 kids, husband was at work thought out lockdown, I was not able to handle all of it, so v started taking it slow, one at a time, not getting worried over no studies done today or unhealthy meal for dinner.
Loved reading this.
One day at a time dear. 🙂
We’re always in such a hurry, I wonder why! I really liked the pointers you gave to slow down a bit and enjoy the small things in life that are easiest to enjoy and make time for.
Thanks for reading, Varsha!
I was already in awe when I had read the titel of post and I was sure that post will have some amazing parenting advice. And you had done same with this post. I agree as a parent we always in an anxious mode to complete all tasks and parental responsibility. But sometimes we need to understand that life is not all about running behind the duties it is much more than this. Taking out quality family time is must to create a beautiful bond together as family and personally I always had a ready ahead list of things that I want to spent with my girls.
You are too kind, Surbhi. Thank you! Quality time spent with kids are seeds we sow.
Such a wonderful post. I completely agree and support slow parenting, which is difficult because in general, people do not have patience and things and world around us is moving so fast that we have a fear to be left out. But that’s not true. Just relax and do things in your own pace…you will reach where you want to be.
The fear of losing the unknown keeps pulling most back to race.
Oh my goodness, I am definitely a slow parent. My husband always says if the world collapses also, I will slowly walk instead of run. Hahahahhaa! I did not know there was term for the way I was naturally!!!
🙂
nice post
Thank you, Ramya.
Very insightful post! Actually while doing daily routine work and keeping all the ends updated of life we have almost forgotten to chalk out the real happiness of life.
So true!
I strongly believe in slow parenting. I would rather call it mindful parenting. The mindful itself means being present at the present moment. When we are able to give our quality time in the present moment, then it create a wholesome environment. I came across an article in which the writer said, parents often have a list of things to do and they end up having divided attention when they are with their kids. If we want to spend quality time with them then match your pace with your kids pace and then see the magic.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Alpana. Slow parenting and Mindful parenting are intertwined. When you slow down you have mindful intentions and to be mindful you have to slow down. The said writer is wise.
I agree that parenting is a never-ending role and slow parenting is good to be adopted as it’s said curiosity is always good for kids. I loved the way you covered all points!!
Thanks Ruchi.
I had never heard of the term slow parenting. I guess this is a branch of mindful parenting. Loved your post, I hope more and more people adopt this parenting method so that we raise a healthy society for tomorrow’s India.
Slow life does bring out a positive impact. Mindful parenting and Slow parenting are two sides of the coin. Thanks for reading, Mayura.